“The hardest part about working out is actually making it to the gym, a rarely accomplished feat typically made impossible by your busy schedule of not going to the gym. And pastries. Bringing the pain to you, wherever you are, Daniel Crouch.

A former juco baseballer who paid his personal-trainer dues at ego-soaked gyms like Trophy Fitness Club, UT grad Crouch specializes in weight-free on-site workouts, whether in offices, city parks, living rooms, or for one plane broker, an airplane hangar; he got the notion while working out corporate clients traveling in Europe and Asia, where one dude sweated out 18lbs in hotel rooms and hallways (Asia’s lack of room-service club sandwiches didn’t hurt). Given any 8-by-10-foot space, Crouch will incorporate basic calisthenics, advanced stretching (i.e., the Superman-in-flight-on-floor move), and resistance work involving doorjambs, himself (leg presses against his hands = alarmingly not easy), and handled elastic bands wrapped around anything from desk legs to stop signs, a subliminal message you’re apparently supposed to ignore. Further plyometric & aerobic work comes from his Muay Thai training — basically, rapid-fire hitting a forearm pad with your palm, fist, elbow, knee, or foot while wheezing out jokes about “when do I dip my hands in the crushed glass?”

If you actually like driving to your beatdowns, Crouch is fitness director at the tony 2929 Wycliff apartment community, and uses its workout room as his home base — just bring your iron will, and a glazed, custard-filled reward.